Sunday, November 20, 2005
Self-hate in a box!
Not really, but I wanted to keep the theme of boxes going.
Went to the new gym again today and put in a full hour on the elliptical. Their elliptical machines are some different model than the ones at the old gym, but the same manufacturer. This is only important because, after an hour on these new ones (which has been my standard-length workout, you know) at lower resistance, I thought I was going to die today. Like, almost-blacked-out-felt-nauseous-got-weird-dizzy-sweats-and-had-to-sit-down-for-a-really-long-time- thought I was going to die. Either those machines are a lot fucking harder, or something is suddenly very wrong with me. Yeesh. I really am quite concerned.
Anyway. My really-long sit-down happened to be in front of a full-wall mirror in the ladies' locker room, and as I sat there struggling to recover, a few things occurred to me:
1. I am such a fucking pear. It irritates the shit out of me.
2. I've lost a lot of weight. And yet, I'm still really fat. It irritates the shit out of me.
3. I've been working out regularly for over a year, and I like it and feel better, but still am quite unhappy with my body, which, in case you hadn't guessed, irritates the shit out of me.
So now I'm thinking maybe I should join something like that evil LA Weightloss or something. Because I really just need to concentrate on losing fat. And that tends to do that rather quickly.
I know you say we are only separated by a few pounds now and I can't complain like I used to, but the fact is, even if we weighed the very same, I'd still be fatter. I just would. I'm shorter, for one thing. And, well, I dunno, something is just different. I think I could honestly need to lose another 60-70 lbs. to look normal. So I reserve the right to continue to complain and make crazy crash-diet plans while simultaneously encouraging you to love yourself as you are.
Feel free to start throwing things at your screen.
Went to the new gym again today and put in a full hour on the elliptical. Their elliptical machines are some different model than the ones at the old gym, but the same manufacturer. This is only important because, after an hour on these new ones (which has been my standard-length workout, you know) at lower resistance, I thought I was going to die today. Like, almost-blacked-out-felt-nauseous-got-weird-dizzy-sweats-and-had-to-sit-down-for-a-really-long-time- thought I was going to die. Either those machines are a lot fucking harder, or something is suddenly very wrong with me. Yeesh. I really am quite concerned.
Anyway. My really-long sit-down happened to be in front of a full-wall mirror in the ladies' locker room, and as I sat there struggling to recover, a few things occurred to me:
1. I am such a fucking pear. It irritates the shit out of me.
2. I've lost a lot of weight. And yet, I'm still really fat. It irritates the shit out of me.
3. I've been working out regularly for over a year, and I like it and feel better, but still am quite unhappy with my body, which, in case you hadn't guessed, irritates the shit out of me.
So now I'm thinking maybe I should join something like that evil LA Weightloss or something. Because I really just need to concentrate on losing fat. And that tends to do that rather quickly.
I know you say we are only separated by a few pounds now and I can't complain like I used to, but the fact is, even if we weighed the very same, I'd still be fatter. I just would. I'm shorter, for one thing. And, well, I dunno, something is just different. I think I could honestly need to lose another 60-70 lbs. to look normal. So I reserve the right to continue to complain and make crazy crash-diet plans while simultaneously encouraging you to love yourself as you are.
Feel free to start throwing things at your screen.
// posted by Sid @ 10:52 PM 
Comments:
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I've been drinking so take that into account.
Have you made progress?
Have you changed your approach to life--has your lifestyle changed to be healthier?
This is not a quest for quick fix. This is for the long haul. Both you women have a spirit that immediately attracted me to you and I really hate to see you question your own spirit. I want happiness for you both.
You are strong. You have accomplished so much. You are an amazing woman. You have the ability to achieve whatever you want.
I don't trust crash diets because they don't address the fundamentals. Neither should you.
Maybe, I've drunk too much.
Have you made progress?
Have you changed your approach to life--has your lifestyle changed to be healthier?
This is not a quest for quick fix. This is for the long haul. Both you women have a spirit that immediately attracted me to you and I really hate to see you question your own spirit. I want happiness for you both.
You are strong. You have accomplished so much. You are an amazing woman. You have the ability to achieve whatever you want.
I don't trust crash diets because they don't address the fundamentals. Neither should you.
Maybe, I've drunk too much.
Dang, Carlitos--I think drinkin' gives you clarity. Good thing, too, cuz I'm plannin' on lots o' philosophizing over lots o' dranks on the left coast witchoo. . . .
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