Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Into the gray
Well. It's tough to feel fabulous or flabuless after the splendiddley time we had in SF. Nuthin'll ever be the same again, as far as I'm concerned.
And this is a good thing.
I hit the gym hard yesterday with TTT--burned up 600 cals or more on the ARC and then did a serious leg workout. Today I'm feelin' it. Might run later.
I've been eating eggs, cans of soup and Amy's frozen dinners. I ain't grocery shopping before I head East. Hell with that.
I feel invigorated by the trip--centered and happy to be me. Working on learning to embrace my largesse wherever I am, not just in places where it is particularly appropriate, i.e. San Francisco. I'm learning to sit with my longing, observe my own desires rather than aim for instant gratification and/or satiating desire. You can learn a lot about yourself by being present in your own desire without being attached to the expectation and potential pleasure that might come out of satiating the desire.
This means: I don't have to move to SF right away; I don't have to wear a size 4 jean; I don't have to be in a relationship with anyone but myself right now; I don't have to eat dessert with every meal; I don't have to ever run a marathon again; I don't have to work for peanuts in the hopes that one day the institution I work for will create solid space for me.
I am Fine. I believe walking that labyrinth with the intention of Clarity has already kicked in. My aim is to enter all things the same way I entered the labyrinth last Thursday: open to observation, receiving, and meeting myself exactly where I am.
Big, fat, juicy kisses to you and Mr. C for coming out to SF, for witnessing my life, for letting me be who I am--for better, for worse, and for all-around being the finest, fun-est travelin' (aka, whorin'drinkin'brawlin') partners around. Being with y'all helps me be who I am. Cain't ask for better than that.
And this is a good thing.
I hit the gym hard yesterday with TTT--burned up 600 cals or more on the ARC and then did a serious leg workout. Today I'm feelin' it. Might run later.
I've been eating eggs, cans of soup and Amy's frozen dinners. I ain't grocery shopping before I head East. Hell with that.
I feel invigorated by the trip--centered and happy to be me. Working on learning to embrace my largesse wherever I am, not just in places where it is particularly appropriate, i.e. San Francisco. I'm learning to sit with my longing, observe my own desires rather than aim for instant gratification and/or satiating desire. You can learn a lot about yourself by being present in your own desire without being attached to the expectation and potential pleasure that might come out of satiating the desire.
This means: I don't have to move to SF right away; I don't have to wear a size 4 jean; I don't have to be in a relationship with anyone but myself right now; I don't have to eat dessert with every meal; I don't have to ever run a marathon again; I don't have to work for peanuts in the hopes that one day the institution I work for will create solid space for me.
I am Fine. I believe walking that labyrinth with the intention of Clarity has already kicked in. My aim is to enter all things the same way I entered the labyrinth last Thursday: open to observation, receiving, and meeting myself exactly where I am.
Big, fat, juicy kisses to you and Mr. C for coming out to SF, for witnessing my life, for letting me be who I am--for better, for worse, and for all-around being the finest, fun-est travelin' (aka, whorin'drinkin'brawlin') partners around. Being with y'all helps me be who I am. Cain't ask for better than that.
// posted by divine m @ 1:50 PM 
