Fit + Flabuless!

The ups, the downs. . . . as long as you end up on the low end, I guess. And better to know, I s'pose. Not me, though. No going back to the scaley scale. TTT told me I look skinny today, but she might just be being sweet cuz she no showed yesterday. That's okay. I'll takey the complimentos.

Remember how I wanted a sammich on Tuesday? Well, today I ate three. Naked. Not me, the sammiches. Meaning no mayo or anything so not so fatty.

Yesterday I killed my legs all by myself at the gym after a bunch of ellipticallying while waiting for TTT. Then I went for a run in the evening just cuz it was so purty out. Today TTT slaughtered my upper bod--that shit I can't do on my own. I'd poop out.

Early this morning I attempted to be nice and avoid parking in the maintenance guy's pile o' leaves in my parking spot, but in doing so, I hit the metal pokey thingy coming off of his stupid little golf cart, seriously scraping up the side of my car. I tried to be all cool about it, but then I burst into tears.

I HATE being out of control. Which is exactly what Pam and I talked about today. All I can do is take care of meself which happens to mean allowing myself to be vulnerable emotionally. I'm capable of receiving physically, but emotionally is another story, seeing that I grew up as an emotional barometer and human shield for everybody around me. It worked for me, though, cuz it let me be in command. So, now letting myself be vulnerable and not being in charge of everything and everybody and not having all the answers and not even really knowing if there's ground beneath my feet really sucks for me. But I'm working on stepping aside from the shield . . . trusting others to take care of themselves so I can have a little fun.

Damn if life isn't hard. I'm tired. But I want to hear more about your Pammy, aka Lynn, or rather how you've changed in her presence.

When we finally do talk, remind me to tell you about my conversation with my former Dr. Dr. P.