Wednesday, May 04, 2005
How much do I love you?
. . . This much (my arms are stretching from San Francisco to Boston with the non-arm parts of me plopped in Kalamazoo).
An excellent theory yet distressing if true because balance in terms of career don't look so hot for the next four years or so. I don't wanna wait that long for my un-Ramon. Let's call him Brad.
Which brings me to State of love and trust. That's a biggie. I guess that's what I'm working on, too. Gotta work harder. Or maybe just wait more patiently. Harumph.
Thank you for your U2 advice. I've decided not to beat myself up too much about it, cuz at least I wasn't eating cheese dip and guacamole and french fries and pizza and chocolate cake, right. I stuffed myself with organic, vegetarian frozen meals and fat free squirt cream and popcorn. By the way, all that watermelon you scarfed is good fer ya. Be proud. It's like drinking water with extra fiber and antioxidants, I'm convinced. Plus, think of all the calories you burned lugging that sob to your apartment. . . .
And I did the protein breakfast with veggies then had yogurt and an apple for a snack. Coffee with soy creamer (have you tried that stuff? Nice and creamy and only 15 calories per tablespoon. Beats skim milk all to hell). I also filed those three stories this morning, breaking my deadline binge cycle. Hooray!
I've been thinking I need to start drinking more. I bought all this damn wine, hoping somebody delightful might show up to drink on the deck with me. But maybe if I'd just bust open the wine in the evening, it would relax me and make me forget about food. Is this a healthy substitution/acceptable behavior modification?
Oh, and I called the hairless beast himself this morning. Just to say hey, what's going on with the house. cuz I was tired of thinking about it and stalling about sending a letter. And you know what he said? Nothing, as usual. He said he doesn't know--if he can continue to afford the house he wants to keep it and I should stay, but things could change if he can't refinance and interst rates went up and blah blah blah. SO I said please make up your mind and let me know before the fall cuz I can't be moving once I start the crazy school and extra job schedule. he said he didn't foresee a change in the immediate future. then he had to catch a plane to New Jersey because he's in the running for a job there. Sounds like nothing's changed. He is still chaos incarnate and that chaos is still a part of my life, although much less than it once was.
The upshot is I had absolutely no emotional reaction to him or his voice. But now I wonder if I just need to bite the bullet and move my ass out just to disconnect.
Any thoughts?
Oh, and please do move next door (to wherever I am) not as a crutch but as a highly positive direction toward exactly the life you want. (me,too). Then we can drink together. But will we still blog?
An excellent theory yet distressing if true because balance in terms of career don't look so hot for the next four years or so. I don't wanna wait that long for my un-Ramon. Let's call him Brad.
Which brings me to State of love and trust. That's a biggie. I guess that's what I'm working on, too. Gotta work harder. Or maybe just wait more patiently. Harumph.
Thank you for your U2 advice. I've decided not to beat myself up too much about it, cuz at least I wasn't eating cheese dip and guacamole and french fries and pizza and chocolate cake, right. I stuffed myself with organic, vegetarian frozen meals and fat free squirt cream and popcorn. By the way, all that watermelon you scarfed is good fer ya. Be proud. It's like drinking water with extra fiber and antioxidants, I'm convinced. Plus, think of all the calories you burned lugging that sob to your apartment. . . .
And I did the protein breakfast with veggies then had yogurt and an apple for a snack. Coffee with soy creamer (have you tried that stuff? Nice and creamy and only 15 calories per tablespoon. Beats skim milk all to hell). I also filed those three stories this morning, breaking my deadline binge cycle. Hooray!
I've been thinking I need to start drinking more. I bought all this damn wine, hoping somebody delightful might show up to drink on the deck with me. But maybe if I'd just bust open the wine in the evening, it would relax me and make me forget about food. Is this a healthy substitution/acceptable behavior modification?
Oh, and I called the hairless beast himself this morning. Just to say hey, what's going on with the house. cuz I was tired of thinking about it and stalling about sending a letter. And you know what he said? Nothing, as usual. He said he doesn't know--if he can continue to afford the house he wants to keep it and I should stay, but things could change if he can't refinance and interst rates went up and blah blah blah. SO I said please make up your mind and let me know before the fall cuz I can't be moving once I start the crazy school and extra job schedule. he said he didn't foresee a change in the immediate future. then he had to catch a plane to New Jersey because he's in the running for a job there. Sounds like nothing's changed. He is still chaos incarnate and that chaos is still a part of my life, although much less than it once was.
The upshot is I had absolutely no emotional reaction to him or his voice. But now I wonder if I just need to bite the bullet and move my ass out just to disconnect.
Any thoughts?
Oh, and please do move next door (to wherever I am) not as a crutch but as a highly positive direction toward exactly the life you want. (me,too). Then we can drink together. But will we still blog?
// posted by divine m @ 1:09 PM 
