Tuesday, May 03, 2005
And I listen for the voice inside my head...nothing, I'll do this one myself...
That's a Pearl Jam lyric that's been on a loop in my head lately. I think I might spend some time Thursday making a coop-flying, open-road-hitting freedom muzak mix. Yes, U2 will be involved ;P
That Oprah's nutty. I haven't watched her show in so long. I did watch Conan last night though. The Rock was on. It was such a treat for the eyes and funnybone. And I just thought, how could I make these two men into one? And then seduce him? Just an aside.
Jeez, I just read about your day yesterday, you poor woman, you was workin' like crazy! At least you felt good about what you'd done, though. My goal is definitely to fold myself into the right circumstances, and hope that, therein, I am not as incompetent as I seem to be in my current circumstances.
I definitely know from nervous eating. 1988-2000 could be called my nervous eating era. Shit, I ate myself from an already chubby 135 lbs. at 9 years old to 186 lbs. at 10 (I'd been in 3 different schools in 2 states in those 12-16 months), 241 by 13 (one school, but it was full of Bible-thumpers and I was living with--and way too indulged as a kid by--my sweetie gran and gramps), and a fluctuation up and down between that and 220 until I was 22. So yes, I didn't see the 100s again until very recently, dear. As an interesting aside, though: it is only now, after having a few smaller years, that I have been able to really tell when my weight fluctuates. I can't feel my skin stretch, as you say, but I can feel extra jiggle in unusual places when I gain a few. Blech.
I'm also sorry to hear you're still sufferin' so much with the work stress. It's really difficult to simply stop that kind of stress-eating, though. Have you tried some sort of behavior substitution? I wish I could help, but I've barely had any success. Hell, lately the most relief I've gotten was through blogging.
How did your interview go? I'll call ya to get the scoop.
Today was alright for me. Other than an arse of coffee, which got me through the morning, I had some lowfat yogurt with a few sliced up strawberries, an Amy's veggie pot pie, (which I loved!) and I'll probably have some more berries later.
Ah, yesterday I ate a whole quarter of a watermelon, though. I'm not even properly ashamed. Just amazed.
I squuzzed some gym time in on a break this afternoon, and so far I've only put in 8 hours of work today, with another 2 likely, so today has been technically less difficult. I did have a weird point today, though, when I walked into the office and I swear it was like a weight just settled in my gut. I still don't feel great about the next few weeks-months. I think I'm beginning to realize I perform a pretty dramatic personality split during my work hours and I'm not sure I like the work me, but I'm also not sure I could do my job as the me me, but hell, who says I'm doing a good job of it, anyway?
Eh. That's shizzle for another blog, and I'll be damned if I start an eigth (I've culled a few over the months, but I've got 4 now. 4!)
Talk soon, like tonight, if you can squeeze it in? I don't want to disturb you if you're on deadline.
Chow (thoughtfully) bella!
That Oprah's nutty. I haven't watched her show in so long. I did watch Conan last night though. The Rock was on. It was such a treat for the eyes and funnybone. And I just thought, how could I make these two men into one? And then seduce him? Just an aside.
Jeez, I just read about your day yesterday, you poor woman, you was workin' like crazy! At least you felt good about what you'd done, though. My goal is definitely to fold myself into the right circumstances, and hope that, therein, I am not as incompetent as I seem to be in my current circumstances.
I definitely know from nervous eating. 1988-2000 could be called my nervous eating era. Shit, I ate myself from an already chubby 135 lbs. at 9 years old to 186 lbs. at 10 (I'd been in 3 different schools in 2 states in those 12-16 months), 241 by 13 (one school, but it was full of Bible-thumpers and I was living with--and way too indulged as a kid by--my sweetie gran and gramps), and a fluctuation up and down between that and 220 until I was 22. So yes, I didn't see the 100s again until very recently, dear. As an interesting aside, though: it is only now, after having a few smaller years, that I have been able to really tell when my weight fluctuates. I can't feel my skin stretch, as you say, but I can feel extra jiggle in unusual places when I gain a few. Blech.
I'm also sorry to hear you're still sufferin' so much with the work stress. It's really difficult to simply stop that kind of stress-eating, though. Have you tried some sort of behavior substitution? I wish I could help, but I've barely had any success. Hell, lately the most relief I've gotten was through blogging.
How did your interview go? I'll call ya to get the scoop.
Today was alright for me. Other than an arse of coffee, which got me through the morning, I had some lowfat yogurt with a few sliced up strawberries, an Amy's veggie pot pie, (which I loved!) and I'll probably have some more berries later.
Ah, yesterday I ate a whole quarter of a watermelon, though. I'm not even properly ashamed. Just amazed.
I squuzzed some gym time in on a break this afternoon, and so far I've only put in 8 hours of work today, with another 2 likely, so today has been technically less difficult. I did have a weird point today, though, when I walked into the office and I swear it was like a weight just settled in my gut. I still don't feel great about the next few weeks-months. I think I'm beginning to realize I perform a pretty dramatic personality split during my work hours and I'm not sure I like the work me, but I'm also not sure I could do my job as the me me, but hell, who says I'm doing a good job of it, anyway?
Eh. That's shizzle for another blog, and I'll be damned if I start an eigth (I've culled a few over the months, but I've got 4 now. 4!)
Talk soon, like tonight, if you can squeeze it in? I don't want to disturb you if you're on deadline.
Chow (thoughtfully) bella!
// posted by Sid @ 7:09 PM 
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Yeah, i know that one--from the Singles soundtrack, no? I've even got it on my iPod! But what does it mean to you?
I think I need to integrate meditation into my day. Turn off the noise and stop juggling all the schtuff--all up in the air--the air inside my head, that is, Eddie, although it's not nothing. Or perhaps it is a bit of nothing and that's the problem. Naw, the real problem is Ramon, the hairless little brown beast that I still love despite his rotten hollowness on the inside. I don't even mean that. You know.
Where was I?
Oh, so, I've continued to watch bullshit tv--read: dull family sitcoms on abc--and eat my way through the freezer, stooping so low as to squirt whip cream into my mouth until it spilled out (that, actually, was kind of fun. Note to self: no more squirt cream. I fear if I keep adding abused foods to my no foods list, there'll soon be nothing left for me to eat.
Maybe that would help.
More later. We is talking now.
I think I need to integrate meditation into my day. Turn off the noise and stop juggling all the schtuff--all up in the air--the air inside my head, that is, Eddie, although it's not nothing. Or perhaps it is a bit of nothing and that's the problem. Naw, the real problem is Ramon, the hairless little brown beast that I still love despite his rotten hollowness on the inside. I don't even mean that. You know.
Where was I?
Oh, so, I've continued to watch bullshit tv--read: dull family sitcoms on abc--and eat my way through the freezer, stooping so low as to squirt whip cream into my mouth until it spilled out (that, actually, was kind of fun. Note to self: no more squirt cream. I fear if I keep adding abused foods to my no foods list, there'll soon be nothing left for me to eat.
Maybe that would help.
More later. We is talking now.
Okay. That was short cuz you were called away to your doodlie-duty.
So, yeah, I had me a flat-out old binge. I must find a way not to do that, cuz I don't forsee an end to the deadlines, and franky I don't want an end to the deadlines. I just want an end to the cuhrayzy eatin'.
I do best when I exercise straight away, first thing in the morning. That sets me up for a healthy day. Nice protein breakfast, then little meals until it gets dark and then I need to stop. Late night eating is so bad. Maybe I should do a little exercise at the end of the day, too. I don't know. I feel like I'm a mess.
You sound good, though--relatively speaking. I know the job's eating you up inside, butcha don't wanna talk about it much cuz you don't know what's going on. Sounds like stress to me.
Hooray for you--still going to the gym and burning off all those calories and hopefully some anger, too. Oh what to do with the anger.
What's your other blog? Or are you purposefully hiding it from me? I know this one, Sid and Sid Chi-town. . . .
I hope we talk more soon, dahlink.
Hip, hip hooray for Thursday your next day off and yay for me in Chicago on Saturday to see my lads (and my da) and to swim in the big swimming pool at the hotel. yay.
Maybe I'll do some crazy old carb-free thing for the next few days to get rid of this bloat and fat face. Or at least make me feel human again. remember when I wrote about having a thin day? That was only two days ago. Amazing how quickly things can change. . . . Now I gots to change them back.
So, yeah, I had me a flat-out old binge. I must find a way not to do that, cuz I don't forsee an end to the deadlines, and franky I don't want an end to the deadlines. I just want an end to the cuhrayzy eatin'.
I do best when I exercise straight away, first thing in the morning. That sets me up for a healthy day. Nice protein breakfast, then little meals until it gets dark and then I need to stop. Late night eating is so bad. Maybe I should do a little exercise at the end of the day, too. I don't know. I feel like I'm a mess.
You sound good, though--relatively speaking. I know the job's eating you up inside, butcha don't wanna talk about it much cuz you don't know what's going on. Sounds like stress to me.
Hooray for you--still going to the gym and burning off all those calories and hopefully some anger, too. Oh what to do with the anger.
What's your other blog? Or are you purposefully hiding it from me? I know this one, Sid and Sid Chi-town. . . .
I hope we talk more soon, dahlink.
Hip, hip hooray for Thursday your next day off and yay for me in Chicago on Saturday to see my lads (and my da) and to swim in the big swimming pool at the hotel. yay.
Maybe I'll do some crazy old carb-free thing for the next few days to get rid of this bloat and fat face. Or at least make me feel human again. remember when I wrote about having a thin day? That was only two days ago. Amazing how quickly things can change. . . . Now I gots to change them back.
1. What time were you having the squirt cream? Cuz I did the exact same thing today around 7ish, lol.
2. Yay, you're going to see your laddies with your daddy! That will be wunnerful, and you must look forward to that all this week like this: eating bad things will make me feel icky and detract from the joy that will be the U2 concert and I want to feel light and clean and free as I take in that music.
Maybe that will helps?
3. Oh, hunny, you have got to find you an un-Ramon. I'm not sure, though, that now is the time for you to do it. If it were, you'd find him, no? But right now you're career is blossoming and as wonderful as it is, it is also causing you some stresses, and maybe he is just waiting (he being the un-Ramon) for a time of balance to come into your life.
Spring (fever) is a bitch, though, nah?
4. I don't know what that damned song is about, but as far as the state of love and trust, that is a place i'm trying to reach, myself, with myself. And I think it just makes me think of all the crutches I've employed, thus far, and mostly being at a point when I feel like I really fucking need to stand alone and not be blown hither and yon, as I would have been in the past. Not running to the shelter of my friends/family has been a very concious effort I've had to make, lately. I mean, I spent almost a whole year after college just temping and following friends around. And I could easily do that again. But I won't, dangit! I gots to build my life, now, I think. Le sigh.
Ahem, however, if I chose to move in next door to you, it will be a conscious and deliberate decision to enjoy a full life of my own, uh, just really near you. Ahem. :D
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2. Yay, you're going to see your laddies with your daddy! That will be wunnerful, and you must look forward to that all this week like this: eating bad things will make me feel icky and detract from the joy that will be the U2 concert and I want to feel light and clean and free as I take in that music.
Maybe that will helps?
3. Oh, hunny, you have got to find you an un-Ramon. I'm not sure, though, that now is the time for you to do it. If it were, you'd find him, no? But right now you're career is blossoming and as wonderful as it is, it is also causing you some stresses, and maybe he is just waiting (he being the un-Ramon) for a time of balance to come into your life.
Spring (fever) is a bitch, though, nah?
4. I don't know what that damned song is about, but as far as the state of love and trust, that is a place i'm trying to reach, myself, with myself. And I think it just makes me think of all the crutches I've employed, thus far, and mostly being at a point when I feel like I really fucking need to stand alone and not be blown hither and yon, as I would have been in the past. Not running to the shelter of my friends/family has been a very concious effort I've had to make, lately. I mean, I spent almost a whole year after college just temping and following friends around. And I could easily do that again. But I won't, dangit! I gots to build my life, now, I think. Le sigh.
Ahem, however, if I chose to move in next door to you, it will be a conscious and deliberate decision to enjoy a full life of my own, uh, just really near you. Ahem. :D
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